April 2012
1 post
March 2012
2 posts
Why do I continue to exist on this world?
There must be a reason to this.
All I do is help, and give. But happens when I ask for help? I just get brushed aside. Fabrications made, and other useless plans are made. Welp. That’s that. I’m close to finished in this god forsaken world.
December 2011
3 posts
what a week.
terrible week.
The day after Christmas, my cousins father-in-law passed away. This is where is all begins. My mom and I went to see him (body) but I didn’t want to since I’m sick and tired of seeing dead people.
So my cousins were busy making funeral plans so from Monday to today, I’ve had 12+ hour shifts at work. And it wasn’t a cake walk week. Shipment of $9000 worth...
I am...
…irritated.
…overworked.
…stressed out of my mind.
…over thinking too much.
…tired.
…emotional.
…too weary.
depressed.
I need to escape reality.
And Happy Birthday Dad.
Its not like you have anything else better to do.
Really…
November 2011
4 posts
fear of loneliness
Don’t get me wrong, there are some things that I enjoy being left alone with. Like eating, watching tv, studying, etc. But the past week I’ve been thinking about my dad again. Probably due to the fact that I’m skipping out on my medications. The night before my dad passed away, my mom and I decided to stay with him for the night. It was a change for me since I was the one staying...
If ignorance is bliss
Then ignorance leads to weakness.
Weakness leads to manipulation.
Manipulation leads to being fucked over. Hard.
October 2011
1 post
I need something new to do. Monotony is no bueno for me. I’ll just end up like shit captain. Then just.
Blamo.
Brains all over the wall.
September 2011
4 posts
I cried so much last night and this morning in the shower that my tear ducts swelled up to the point it was irritating my eye, as if someone was poking my eyeball with needles.
To only think its been one year
since my dad died, it feels like eternity. I still often find myself waking up to the thought of, “Dad’s probably downstairs watching tv” but to my dismay I see the blank space where my dad used to sit, and now recently, the empty area where the couch used to be, where my dad would sit. I only ask myself. Why me. Why dad, why did you have to leave us.
I really, really, really...
Today I almost hung myself. Having too much rope around the house isn’t a good thing at all.
But I don’t know how I managed to talk myself out of it. I’m still alive for now.
Safety yo. Check it
I’ve realized the past week, I’ve been drinking almost every night. And the past three nights (including today) I’ve driven when I shouldn’t have (especially that night in Oakland when I peeled out of the parking space).
Aside from that. Everyone’s gone back to their respective colleges and I am oh so ronery. I’ve decided upon myself to loose weight, and put...
August 2011
2 posts
of things to come...
Credits to Matt J
its nice
how people you haven’t talked to in a while come online and chat it up. but when in the end you end up feeling like shit, useless, and come to terms on what you will become, it sucks. let alone when they tell you things you didn’t really want to hear (even if it is somewhat awesome in a way) and it bothers the shit out of you. i’m more than happy to listen to what others say...
July 2011
2 posts
June 2011
1 post
just a small favor
Seeing as how it is Father’s day, I just want to make a small short post.
When you see your dad in the morning, give him a nice big hug, and tell him you love him.
Granted you’ve probably had your fair share of fights, ect. But you’ll never know how much of a impact they have on your life. You don’t know what you lost, well, until you lose it. I miss my dad. So much. I...
May 2011
3 posts
Soooo...
I got a new phone…
Its the Samsung Infuse. Its fucking huge. I can’t go back to the iPhone’s small screen.
nostaliga'd
Yep, just goin’ over my ancient Xanga. And that’s right, I’ve been a member since 2003.
April 2011
4 posts
i'm dying emotionally on the inside
you’ll see me smile but behind that smile are years and years of emotional pain and repression.
vietnamesesforbeginners1:
And this so-called “real world” that runs on the engine of greed and wealth and envy and ‘freedom’ has grown and groomed itself into idealizing a culture that champions a lifestyle inspired by empires of wealth, comfort, and idleness.
That’s sorta been the “real world.” If you don’t have money, you’re a nobody.
you'll never
…guess who might get this car soon in the near future. THIS GUY.
JUST LOOK AT THAT CAR.
Though I’ll see how many drunk spiels I’ll have to endure to get this car.
trust is a peculiar little bastard
you think you can confide trust in someone and vice versa but you end up finding out its all a lie.
March 2011
9 posts
anger. so much fucking anger.
today was a kind of a mleeh day
Work is now just becoming tiring. Going to work hungover, feeling dizzy throughout it and wanting to puke (but knowing you can’t no matter how much you try) just makes things insufferable. Not to mention starving myself all day cause I wasn’t hungry (barfy feelings) and hoping I would be able to make it to dinner with my friends afterwards didn’t help as much either.
Not to...
donated $10 dorrah to american red cross for japan
and i got this awesome avatar on my tumblr picture. fuck yeah helping for a good cause feels good.
on many nights I tend to sit on my bedside
looking out through the cracks in the blinds, staring at the streetlight and think what is going to become of my life, the future. more thoughts come into mind but then the overpowering thought of “tomorrow’s another day Brian. see where it takes you.” then I slip into bed and drift into sleep. sometimes.
a dull brian is better than a sad brian!
Today was in a way pitiful disappointing but anti-depressants and beer (don’t worry I didn’t mix the two) helps keep me going.
In other news I’m planning on going to see David in LA next weekend or so. There’s nothing to do in Alameda and now since its raining all day and windy, not much to do. Can’t even go to bars properly with friends nor does timing ever work...
The Double Grenade.
Such a complex drink requires a diagram, and list of ingredients booze.
3 tags
Wooo. For those of you who watch the news, asian...
IFRAMES not supported
February 2011
4 posts
i quit my job today
i now have a lot of free time… to drink booze.
and to ponder on my life.
There’s a fire starting in my heart, Reaching a fever pitch and it’s bring me out the dark, The scars of your love remind me of us, They keep me thinking that we almost had it all, The scars of your love, they leave me breathless, I can’t help feeling, We could have had it all
-Rolling in...
Snap. Snip. Show.: Verizon Wireless →
shimnotsham:
They are so goddamn smug. I thought their TV commercial - the one where they show the iPhone revolving and shining in all its glory, then cut to a guy (smugly) saying “Can you hear me now?” - was clever. Smug, but clever.
Their website is smug and just plain annoying. I didn’t realize the page…
No! He’s saying Yes, “I can hear you NOW.” Its an ad poking...
YOU'VE BEEN SERVED SUCKA...
January 2011
6 posts
be very wary
…the next time you visit Alameda Point, or the naval base in general.
AMAZING Los Angeles Trip Recap.
Dinner with friends in LA.
Boba AND Hookah Bar in the SAME STORE?! Oh Koreatown, how I love thee…
Visited the LA River. Even though I didn’t want to, but it turned out to be amazing.
Los Angeles Gun Club. Was. Fucking. Awesome.
Unfortunately all things must come to an end. This one came to an end at exactly 866 miles. Alameda to Los Angeles and back to Alameda.
the best conversation i'll NEVER forget.
-Los Angeles Gun Club-
*Walks over to cashier to pay*
Cashier: Your total is $150.70
Me: *Hands cashier credit card and ID*
Cashier: *Looks at ID* It’s your birthday!
Me: Its my birthday!
Cashier: You want to shoot shotgun on the house?
Me: ….
Me: YES
The end result?
And as Erik posted on his tumblr post, that muzzle flash isn’t a photoshop. Its the real deal.
December 2010
6 posts
I have a feeling my antidepressants are no longer...
to the point where I now feel helpless again and my reoccurring thoughts are coming back to haunt me. I hope this time things go through with what I think/hope for in my head whether it’s good or bad.
i really hate it when
i fix things TOO well that they go against me when i originally planned for it to help me.
ie like tonight…
-double bolted doors i forgot to bring the keys to
-calling my mom at 4:30am in the liquor store asking to open the side door for me cause…
a. i had to use the bathroom REALLY BAD
b. i’m pretty tired
c. i didn’t want to smash open a glass panel to gain...
Priceless
4 packs of insulation: $253.44
9 panels of drywall: $105.75
1 pack of insulation supports: $14.98
And any other hardware to fix my office room ceiling..
Total: $374.17
Price to keep me busy and not killing myself: Priceless
____________________________________________________________
Having a friend that respects to you to the utmost limits: Priceless
i think i have pneumonia
shortness of breath, raspy throat, and terrible terrible chest pain.
lets hope i don’t keel over and die while i’m installing insulation and drywall in my office. woo